John Howard

Why criticism can be the friend resilience never realised it had

Who doesn’t enjoy a bit of praise! That compliment or ego massage that makes you feel special and worthwhile. Human nature thrives on praise, and it can be the fuel to fire your productivity and performance in the same way that petrol enables your car to move.

And considerably less expensive, too!

But there comes a time when you will hear things that you don’t necessarily want to, often by those who have your best interests at heart. When ‘you are amazing’ is replaced by ‘could do better’ or ‘that’s not quite good enough’, resilience, amongst other aspects of your personality, is tested.

The motivation for this offering is a personal one. I, as a writer, am in the process of writing my first novel. A delve into the unknown, this is an ambition that I am close to achieving. Success or not, this will be a work that no one can take away from me but is also unchartered territory that is scary. Blogs, website copy, social media posts, newspaper columns, all types of writing that I have become used to and experienced in. Writing fiction, however, is a different ball game!

Finding a publisher and editor, via Twitter, I pitched my idea for a book and received encouraging feedback. She felt that I had an easy-to-follow tone that leant itself to a drama set in the 1920s. Motivated by this, I set about drafting ideas and before long a prologue and opening chapter was on paper.

Imagine then, my deflation when the first lot of edits landed in my inbox full of suggested amendments and improvements. In my mind, my chance was gone and my literary career over before it had even begun. What followed was a period of self-doubt and pity that I found almost impossible to get out of.

Thankfully, I have an editor who, not only smashes it at editing, but also has a sixth sense in realising what method of coaching the writers under her stewardship respond best to.

Many conversations later, I was enlightened to the fact that it was I who was producing the building blocks of content and it was she who was polishing the bricks to ensure that they looked their absolute best ahead of the project’s completion.

In short, she refused to accept this as the best I had and was determined to nurture my creative juices to reach heights that I never thought I could, while appreciating and helping me with the fact that my writing had largely been factual and thus needed support in transitioning to the world of fiction.

Let’s be clear, under no circumstances should criticism be personal. That often crosses a line into insult, and many will mask personal insult as constructive criticism and can be very clever about it. Criticism can conjure up a negative feeling where people are torn down and their efforts unappreciated and be perceived as personal when efforts are being made to provide methods of improvement.

Differentiating personal insult and constructive criticism can often be a tricky process and one learnt over time.

I look at two things: how is it delivered and how do you perceive it? Often, the former determines the latter. Truly skilled motivators provide their constructive feedback in a way that encourages people to carry on and keep improving rather than stop dead in their tracks. But how you take what is being said to you can also make all the difference.

Once I had given my head a wobble, I quickly realised that the comments from my editor where in fact providing me with the incentive to reach heights that I’d never dreamed of, rather than clip my wings so I never left the ground again. This was not a simple process and took difficult conversations and soul-searching as I discovered that my real saboteur was within. Credit to her, she knows what motivates me and how I need to be motivated.

In short, my belief is that those words often characterised as criticism can harden resilience if done correctly and with a genuine motive to encourage success and personal fulfilment. Human beings strive to achieve more and push themselves further. Will we do that if all we hear is ‘absolutely fantastic’ and ‘superb’ all the time? Is that real life and honest?