John Howard

For some, the awareness never stops

Today (20 June) is the anniversary of an event that would change the lives of so many people I know and love, forever. It was three years ago, a sunny Saturday afternoon and I was busy preparing for my daughter's fifth birthday, which was the very next day. My wife, a nurse, was working an extra shift at the hospital and the morning was as normal as any other Saturday. 

Then we got the phone call. As per usual, I never heard my phone so it was my stepdaughter who alerted me to my wife's needing to speak to me. Instantly, I knew something was wrong but could never have predicted what was about to come next. 

Reeling from the information I had just received I raced to collect her while trying to make sense of the fact that her best friend's husband had taken his own life. 

A successful, hard-working businessman, a father to three and stepfather to three more had been found that very morning. My wife, albeit hugely shaken, was in complete supportive mode as we made her way to her best friend's house, while my stepdaughter remained at home to care for my daughter, the latter blissfully unaware of what had happened and still very much looking forward to her birthday. 

The afternoon was surreal. A family in pieces, friends destroyed and an overwhelming sense of confusion and anger. Children, young and old, trying to come to terms with their loss in whatever way they could while I offered drinks and comfort that appeared so futile. 

Now, three years on, life has returned to normal. But of course it hasn't. My wife's friend still lives with her pain, as do her children. Those that knew and love her husband still endure feelings of sorrow and other emotions whenever this day comes round or a piece of music evokes memories about him. Yet the awareness days and months have moved on to other worthy causes. Facebook posts are shared about different topics and profile pictures promote a different cause. 

Now, in no way is this a slight on anyone, nor is it in any way a declaration of disapproval for awareness days per se. They are worthwhile, vital and do an amazing job in highlighting problems and injustices that are still blighting the lives of many. It does so often feel, though, that they fall into the trap of being a token gesture rather than a true desire to evoke change and/or make a positive difference. 

I often think of the carefully constructed photo of that multi-national firm endorsing International Women's Day before they return to their all-male and often all-white board. 

If there is some light at the end of this dark and still ongoing tunnel, my wife's best friend has endeavoured to make the very best of the worst and most tragic of situations. A coordinator of Solace, a suicide prevention & bereavement project with a leading Blackpool charity has allowed her to use her lived experience to help so many others, while she continues her own healing process. 

But her awareness of suicide prevention doesn't start every year on 10 September. It lives with her every day, as it does for so many. 

As per the Office for National Statistics, in 2018, there were 6,507 suicides registered in the UK, an age-standardised rate of 11.2 deaths per 100,000 population and represented the first increase since 2013.

If this article helps just one person to speak, or another to simply be aware of what someone may be going through, then it is more than worthwhile.

Dedicated to the memory of Glen Southern. RIP, Glen.